| Dec. 13th, 2005 @ 01:02 pm Random Musings on Modesty |
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Warning: this is going to be disconnected at best, and uterely impossible to follow at worst. Mainly due to the fact that at this point I have ideas, not a basic hypothesis and especially not any working theory but sometimes putting ones ideas down helps to clarify the thinking process. Besides, if I don't write some of these notions down, I'm going to forget. Oh, it is also long. and I didn't have time to edit. You've been warned.
So, both at our church women's Bible study this month as well as at the choosing home forums the topic of modesty has come up. Each group with very different input on the matter. This has led me to ponder further my thoughts. Let me share some of them.
First, a godly woman should dress and act in such a way that is chaste and modest. Alright, but what are the working definitions of these words? We don't have in the bible the books of First and Second Hem Lengths, so obviously it is more than a matter of conforming to a set of exact rules. No great surprise there. Christianity isn't about a set of rules which you follow which then brings about righteousness. It is Christ who makes us righteous and it is a matter of the heart, not how many good rules we can come up with. However, we tend to think that the shortest distance between unrighteousnes and righteousness is a good law and thus we get many of the problems we deal with in discussing modesty of dress.
Second thought- it has been put forth by many that we should dress so as to not make others stumble. Certainly. I'm on board with this 100%. I dont' fully understand the temptation of the eyes that most guys deal with, but I'm not completely seperated from the concept either and I want to honor them and encourage them to righteousness. But where is the line here? I once saw an episode of "My Wife and Kids" (I don't recommend that show btw) where the daughters boyfriend was struggling because of how she was dressing. So a lot of the show plays around her dressing more and more conservitely and him still struggling and ultimately her ending up in a burque and him still being tempted because "he could still see her eyes" then on went the dark glasses but "he could still smell her shampoo". Now, this was over done, but does raise an issue worth considering. At what point does it cease to be the concern of the girl? At what point has she taken the necessary steps to encrouage those brothers around her and the rest is a heart issue that is up to them? I'm not as naive as I was in high school and college where I thought it all should be up to them (although, in some ways I probably dressed more convering then than now, but that is a different point) but I do know that those who want to look are going to look and further more, different guys stuggle with different things. In talking to some of the ladies on the choosing home forum I've heard about their husbands and male relatives who really struggle with pants (even what most of us would consider modest ones) on women because of how much of the form that is shown. Where as other guys it is going to be a tight shirt that is a stumbling block. But there again, waht is tight? Do all impression of breasts, waist, and hips need to be gone before it is modest? Do we need to toss a shirt on the off chance that if we turn a certain way and someone is positioned just right, they could see down it? At what point does it get ridiculous?
Third thought- dressing for the occaision. Other aspects of modest dress is where are you going and what are you doing? If you're headed to the beach to play volley ball, wearing a little swim suit that you're going to pop out of or are going to need to be tugging on all day is a bad idea if you're trying to be modest and not cause anyone to stuggle. But does that make a swim suit always a bad idea? What if you're going to swim laps in a private pool? Or leisurely lay on a beach to get some sun? What standard is applied to swim wear then? Also, for church, what is best? Does it depend on what church you're going to? If your goal isn't to stand out, if you're at a church that doesn't dress up at all then you shouldn't either. But maybe it is more about not standing out? I tend to think it is. That dressing for the occaison is a good starting point, but can't be the only determining factor. Afterall, if there is something which is truly better about a dress for a girl (and I'm not saying that there is) then we should wear that whether it makes us stand out or not. The idea the modesty isn't about standing out from the crowd or drawing attention to ourselves simply doesn't hold up under scrutinity. After all, with the cultural trend of less and less fabric covering our bodies a woman whose shorts do more than simply cover her butt and whose shirt actually goes all the way to the top of her pants is going to stand because there is something truly different. So, the concern about being distracting and not drawing attention to yourself is all well and good, but like dressing for the occaison, it only takes us so far as to what we are to do.
Next thought- the different in consideration of dress for the single woman vs. the married woman. If you are single your dress should be determined first by godly standards, then familial rules, and finally personal preference. If you're married then it should be determined first by godly standards, husbands preferences, and then your own. In other words, if you're single and you know your father is going to hate the dress- don't buy it. And if you're married and know your husband prefers blue to pink, get the sweater in blue. It isn't rocket science. But lets add a different dimension to dressing when married. Wives should dress godly, and in such a way to please their husbands, and this most often means making sure we look nice. This may or may not draw attention to ourselves. We may or may not receive compliments from other people. Neither of those things really matters I don't think. Rather, you are looking nice in order to please your husband. Heck, this might even be what one might call sexy. (no rotten tomatoes please) For example, my husband loves really high heeled shoes. There is no getting around that 4" heals have a certain sexy quality about them to the majority of the male population. I don't think though that should preclude me from wearing them to please my husband when we go out. However, most husbands also like lingerie and I think we can all agree that lingerie is not apropriate attire outside of the bedroom. I don't know that I can point by point explain the difference, but sometimes it is just idiotic to explain something that basic.
Final thing- is there some different category of dress for a formal worship gather that makes something which is modest on Friday, not modest on Sunday? Of course, this leads to the question, is there something particular about a formal worship gather vs. an informal one of just two or three? We as Christians are the body of Christ. Our bodies are the temple of the God. We are in His presence and no longer have to go into the holy of holies to meet Him. So does this make Sunday morning no big deal? Or something which is more casual? Or should the rest of our lives be less casual? If we believe that we are always in the presence of God then is our blase (sp?) attitude about dress, apperance, entertainment, etc. truly acceptable? These aren't all questions I feel like dealing with right now, but I think do tie in directly to how modest dress comes into play in the coorperate gathering.
So, I guess in summary- I think modesty of dress is extreamly important. I think that caring for the righteousness of your brothers and not tempting them is extreamly important. I don't think that we can prevent others from sin, but rather can only be of encouragement, at some point it becomes their heart issue-I just don't know which point. I don't think attempting to look nice is a bad thing-in fact generally I think it should be sought after. I don't think that if you draw attention to yourself that you're not being modest, quite possibly the opposite even. I think occaison and location should come into play in how you choose to dress, but that they aren't the end all of determinators. I tend to lean towards there being a better way or preferred style of dress but I don't have a hard and fast theory on that, it is just a leaning. I agree with my friend Shannon (www.kaleoshannon.com) that conservative does not equal modest. Christian freedom is a good and wonderful thing. There may be nothing wrong with dressing like a punk rocker, goth, or even a dominatrix (ok, maybe not that last one...) but just because something is ok doesn't mean that it is the best option or that we should be content with simply not actively sinning.
Finally, I sometimes just wish I was amish or mennonite or that Christianity had it's own burque. But then I am reminded that what I desire is true righteousness, not a good law. So no hem length guidelines here, just ponderings on the best way to be godly through modest dress. All input is welcome. A follow up post is likely to follow in a few weeks. |
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